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odds & ends

by puppy angst

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1.
i made myself sick swallowing yellow paint by the bucket thought it was exciting thought it might be impressive yeah whatever, i know i'm so dramatic at least i made the effort when you couldn't be bothered i made myself sick swallowing all the bullshit and the lies you sold me every single day a naive kid, i was so trusting unsuspecting, firm believing didn't even question anything you tried to tell me now i feel stupid half the time that's why i doubt myself so much when i think about what i fell for feel like i must be losing touch nothing that i ever did felt like it could be enough enough enough enough enough the me i used to be would read "van gogh ate yellow paint to get the happiness inside of him" and i'd believe it, internalized it think it sounded poetic, maybe a little romantic but it was poison, a cry for help cause it was poison, now i know better cause it was poison, yeah it was poison it was poison just like you
2.
iā€™ve cried everyday this week iā€™ve decided that sensitivity is my biggest strength happiness is hard for me itā€™s something that i work at everyday what happens next? i canā€™t figure that out my voice always gives when i need it most i always give up when i canā€™t figure out the next part, canā€™t figure it out i canā€™t figure it out when my thoughts cut out for minutes at a time i almost wonder if thatā€™s what meditation feels like but then again i know itā€™s not that positive or special i just canā€™t ever seem to cope with my life been practicing mindfulness, actively trying to live in present tense but itā€™s still hard to make sense of it when i iā€™m not thinking straight, no i'm not thinking straight iā€™m not thinking straight iā€™m not thinking straight i'm not thinking straight
3.
i get nervous every time i leave my house think i forgot something i can't even remember the last hour and a half everything is happening to me i have no say in this my inattentiveness is getting the best of me i don't know how this happened to me feel like my life's falling away bad memory, failing me falling away from me, bad memory it's failing me again now i'm dissociating from every bad interaction i know it's not a way to cope i'm losing hold of myself i don't think i can stay i don't feel, i don't feel, i don't feel... okay used to be so good at this used to maybe stand a chance used to play it cool, so well now i'm a mess i can't get out of this feel like my life's falling away bad memory, failing me falling away from me, bad memory it's failing me again
4.
my best 03:27
there's a dark cloud that follows me around and i can't outrun it my legs are giving out i've learned just to leave it alone i'm running out of breath and i'm halfway scared to death there's something getting in the way of what i'm trying to say there's a lump in my throat today started out okay but i'm so mixed up again i can't help that i'm this way there's a dark cloud that follows me around and i can't outrun it my legs are giving out i can't keep running i can't keep going i can't get out of my head and i am constantly trying my best not to become completely depressed but i can't figure it out i just keep stumbling down and i am falling down i'm doing my best but i keep stumbling and i am falling right back down

about

a bandcamp exclusive!

i've been wanting to share a couple of demos from scorpio season that i completely forgot about once the recording process was well under way. between the beginning of our studio time in summer of 2021 and putting out the first single, i hadn't revisited any of the original demos. when i did hear the yellow paint demo again, i was hit with a wave of emotions. it was such a cathartic song to write and i am completely in love with how the final version came out, but there was something that felt special and raw about the original demo that i wanted to share, too

we're currently preparing to record a new song, so i thought this bandcamp friday would be the perfect time to put out the yellow paint demo, as well as a couple other scorpio season demos i thought sounded nice. i threw in "my best", an old song we recorded with our friend mike wolfe, as a little bonus as well

thank you for all of your support. we can't wait to share a little bit of new music somewhat soon and go on tour <3

credits

released February 3, 2023

my best track credits

alyssa milman: guitar, vocals
dylan kittrell: guitar
john heywood: bass
eric naroden: drums, vocals

produced by mike wolfe and originally released on an abundance of nothing (2020), a compilation benefitting raices. the compilation can be purchased here: anabundanceofnothing.bandcamp.com/album/an-abundance-of-nothing

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yellow paint (demo), in sensitivity (demo), and bad memory (demo) were all recorded at home in 2020 in preparation for our album scorpio season. dan helped me set up our little home studio so i could share these songs with eric, john, and dylan at the time. hope you enjoy the stripped down vibe of these <3

alyssa milman: guitar, vocals

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cover art by alyssa milman

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about

puppy angst Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

it's like puppy love but a lil more sad šŸ• shoegazy/dreamy fuzz pop; kind of fun kind of a bummer

alyssa + eric + john + dan + paulišŸ’“

pfp by brooke marsh
page design by alyssa milman

inquiries: puppyangst@gmail.com
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